tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8622045412938847718.post7364428731783617691..comments2023-04-25T15:58:47.443-07:00Comments on Finding Jane Doe: Secret Selvesphilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754781281360440378noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8622045412938847718.post-54744182919870610042008-11-23T07:33:00.000-08:002008-11-23T07:33:00.000-08:00I can SOOO relate to Carol's comments.I can SOOO relate to Carol's comments.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8622045412938847718.post-26603902202333894902008-11-22T20:02:00.000-08:002008-11-22T20:02:00.000-08:00Carol,Your perspective and your comments are alway...Carol,<BR/><BR/>Your perspective and your comments are always welcome.<BR/><BR/>You said something that got me thinking... I've already posted tonight, but you've sparked some ideas about this whole "not looking for a mother" thing. I need to sit with it for a bit, but I may post on it tomorrow.<BR/><BR/>In any event, I'm glad visiting with your son allows you some access to that lost part of yourself. I hope that my mom feels the something similar. I think she may. But it's nice to hear it from another person, like you.<BR/><BR/>Thanks.<BR/><BR/>Philphilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04754781281360440378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8622045412938847718.post-66000222996413692132008-11-22T15:27:00.000-08:002008-11-22T15:27:00.000-08:00Hi Phil,Your posts always make me think, but I'm n...Hi Phil,<BR/><BR/>Your posts always make me think, but I'm not always sure how to respond, you know if it's appropriate because I'm not adopted and don't experience things from that point.<BR/><BR/>Having said that, your post reminds me of how I've been feeling lately as a mom. During my son's recent visit I really got a dose of validation as his mom. I've always thought of myself as his mother, and there was nothing in particular that was said or done, it was just the time together. I've felt for so long that I didn't deserve to be his mother, and I hear so often that adoptees are not looking for another mother. Those things have made me very reticent to act like a mother in some ways. I've been scared of over-stepping boundaries because I don't know what or where they are.<BR/><BR/>But with the last visit I felt a little bit of myself expanding into this area of motherhood -part of my self, part of my identity - which I never allowed myself to do before. I felt confident, I felt important, I felt that I could glimpse the person I would have been had I raised my son.<BR/><BR/>I guess all I'm saying is that I find that I am able to be me when I'm with my son. He brings out something in me that nobody else can. I can see myself in a different way, in a way that I've denied for so many years. <BR/><BR/>I think "secret self" is a very apt description, and I still carry a very hefty one around with me much of the time. I hope that with time you and I and everyone who carries this sense of self due to adoption loss can shed a bit of the burden.<BR/><BR/>Best,<BR/>CarolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com