On Hold

I was hoping to be able to post some news. I really thought I might have received some word from my first father by now. But so far, there's been nothing. I feel like my whole life is in a holding pattern while I wait for some word.

My relationship with my first mom is still going very well. And she is anxious on my behalf for me to hear something from this man. I think she wants to call him or get involved some how. But I keep putting her off. I don't want her hurt by this man that didn't treat her well all those years ago. I don't want him to get angry at her or yell at her.

But I also don't want whatever his reaction to her might be to get in the way of what he and I might find by way of a connection. I don't think she would do anything, on purpose, that would make him decide not to have anything to do with me. But I don't know how he'll react to my arrival. And I don't know how he might react to her reentering his life. I figure better to do only one of those right now. And I'd rather start with me.

I hope that hasn't been a mistake. But I don't know what else to do. So I'm just going to wait for now. I hope that he's composing a letter and mailing it to me. And that could take a little while. But I don't know when I decide it's been too long. So I'm going to keep waiting.

Even though it's driving me nuts.