Slow Down

I got a letter from my (adoptive) mom. She explained how she saw things and apologized (sort of). It was a sincere letter. But it left me feeling a bit cold. She said that she would have come home if she had known that I had needed her more than her sister. But that just misses my point. I wanted her to want to be home for us, for me. I don't want to wait until I'm sick or dying to have her around. I didn't need her more than her sister. I just wanted her to be around as my mom.

I'm not mad at her letter. It was better than the letter I feared, though not as good as I had hoped. I'm not sure how to react. I wrote a response, but I'm not going to send it. At least not the first draft of it. I think I'll reread my draft in a day or two and see how I feel then. For now, I'm just trying not to let it get to me too much.

Sometimes I wish I weren't related to anyone.