Brothers

I knew I had a brother.

Maybe it would be more accurate to say that I knew I had a sibling, and I had very, very good reason for thinking I had a brother. I knew my father had had another child. And some research last year revealed that there was a man who fit all the details I had, and so I believed, with very good evidence, that I had a brother.

Because of a fellow adoptee contacting some natural family on Facebook a while back, I decided to see if I could find the person I thought was my brother on Facebook. It took almost no time at all, and after deliberating for less than an hour, I sent him a message.

He responded, tentatively at first, but it didn't take long. He accepted me as his brother, as did my other brother, whom he contacted. In almost no time at all, I was finally in contact with my father's family. Both of them have said that they think my father feels guilty, and that he will probably get in contact with me at some point. (Of course, this was a couple of months ago now. Still nothing on that front.)

They have been great. Immediately welcoming me and treating me with kindness.

And yet, I jumped into this with very little forethought. I don't know what I expected or hoped for. I guess I thought I might get his attention, and get to know my brother(s). But now that I'm in touch, I don't know what to say to them. They have both offered, on several occasions, to answer questions that I have, but I can't think of what questions I want to ask.

This whole thing feels so primal that coming up with meaningful questions seems beyond me at this point. I want to form a relationship with them, but it's hard. I don't even exactly know why, or what would make it easier. I wish I had thought about this more before flying off half-cocked. But now I'm in it, I don't want them to think I don't want to get to know them. I just have no idea how to go about it.

I seem to have this uncanny ability to turn even a good thing into a problem.