Monday, February 9, 2009


One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is how fair this time has been on my (adoptive) mom. This seemed especially noticeable with my (first) mom visiting last weekend. I had such a good time. But my a-mom and I barely have a relationship right now. It seems unfair that I am having a good relationship with one of them, but not the other. At the very least, I feel a bit guilty.

I suppose that seems a bit silly. After all, simply because I'm having a bad relationship at the moment with one person, it doesn't mean that I should torch my other relationships.

I think the problem is that I'm worried I'm acting as though the grass is greener on the other side. It's true that I don't have the baggage with my f-mom that I do with my a-family. But I don't really think I'm trying to replace one family with another. I'm just trying to enjoy the good relationship I currently have with my f-mom.

It's weird juggling all these different relationships. And while somethings in my reunion have gotten better and more stable, this stuff never seems to. Maybe I shouldn't feel any guilt. But the loyalty issues never really seem to go away.

1 comment:

jimm said...

They never do go away, do they.
When I told my a-mom of finding the remnants of my n-family, the disappointment was evident on her face. She claims to be ok with it, but I feel guilty and obliged to call often and remind her that I still love her.
Ain't adoption wonderful?