Saturday, January 12, 2008


One of my resolutions for the new year should be to post here at least once a week. I'd like to do that. I will try to post at least once a week. That way, if you actually are interested in reading here, there's a chance that it will be worth your while.

This past Sunday, I got back from visiting my adoptive family. This was the first time I had seen them face-to-face since my reunion. As a result, I was a little nervous. I wasn't sure what sort of reaction to expect.

I think I should have known better. My adoptive family, though loving, are not the most likely to engage in deep, emotional conversations. The only person who asked me about it was my sister-in-law. She seemed genuinely interested, and I talked to her some. My sister was listening, and asked a question or two, after we were talking. My brothers never said a word about it.

Because I wasn't sure what he was thinking, I did ask my father if he had any concerns or questions. He said that he didn't have any problems about it at all. He did note the scarf I was wearing (my first mom had knitted me a scarf for Christmas - it is the color of amethyst, my birthstone, and I've been wearing it almost non-stop since I got it) and thought my mom would feel threatened if she saw me wearing it. He said she's always been very insecure, but he isn't bothered by my reunion at all. He then started talking about something else.

At least I asked. I want to believe him. But he's so hard to read. Still, if he is bothered by something, and he doesn't want to talk about it, there's not much I can do. Others have pointed out to me that my siblings, especially, may not realize how big a deal this is for me, and just didn't think to talk about it. And they really don't talk about feelings much.

My mom actually did ask me about my reunion. (I do think my dad is wrong about her. My mom has been the most excited and curious about this process. Now, I suppose it's possible that she is overcompensating for feeling threatened, but she has always been straight with me, so I think she would tell me if something was bothering her. But their divorce was nearly thirty years ago, so I don't know how well they really know each other.)

The conversation with my mom (over the phone, as she is out of state taking care of her sister who is ill) was a bit odd. She asked me whether I had heard from my "mom." Then she started trying to correct herself and stumbled around. (I think she was trying to say "other mom" or some similar phrase.) It was a bit odd to hear my mom call my first mom my "mom." (That might be the most confusing sentence I've ever written. Try reading it out loud.) But I think she recognizes the oddity of the whole situation. And the language is just inadequate to express the complexity of these relationships.

All told, it was a lot of worry for nothing. My family is either fine with my reunion, or so far into denial that they aren't likely ever to come out. I found it a bit strange, but I won't complain. I don't know what I expected, but being almost completely ignored wasn't really it.

Oh well, I guess families everywhere (adoptive or not) are strange.

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