One of the things that has caused me some distress is what to call my first mom. Should I call her by her first name? Should I call her "mom"? Should I find some other word?
"Mom" is such a loaded term. It conveys so much. Mom's give birth. Mom's are also there to take care of you. My first mom wasn't there. But after I was seven or eight, my adoptive mom wasn't there much, either. But both loved me. Both did the best they could.
And for me, that means I've decided they are both my mom. I call them both mom. Nothing else feels right. That doesn't mean this doesn't feel weird, but it's the best solution I could find. And I think I've made my peace with it.
What's odd, is that when writing or talking about it, I need to clear up the ambiguity. So I use phrases like "adoptive mom" and "first mom." Both sound weird to me. But it's the only way I know how to express myself clearly.
I mention all this because it feels weird, or even disrespectful to refer to them with added adjectives. They are both just mom. As loaded as the term is, that's who these women are in my life. Society may not be at ease with me having two moms, but that's the way it is.