Today I decided to take the universe's signs to heart: I mailed a certified letter to the man who I believe is my first father. It wasn't a very long letter. I gave enough to detail to identify who I was writing to (on the off chance that he isn't actually my father), and I gave a few pieces of general information about myself. I asked to have contact and gave him my e-mail address, my physical address, and my phone number.
Now, it's a waiting game.
I'm not entirely sure what I want from him. I know he may be a very different man than my first mom remembers. So I'm trying to go into this with no expectations about the sort of person I will find.
But I've not been very trusting of men, historically, and I guess I'm afraid that he's going to be disappointed that I'm not more "manly." I am not a stereotypical male. I've always been more emotional, and kind of "artsy." And I worry we'll have nothing in common.
Or worse. That he'll actively dislike me. He joined the Marines to fight in Vietnam. I'm a pacifist and have protested two wars in Iraq. I just don't know that this is going to go well. I hope so, but I'm nervous about it.
Well, all I can do is try to put it out of my mind until I get some news one way or the other. I'll certainly let you know if and when that happens.