You don't want to hear me complain about hearing absolutely nothing from my natural father. I don't want to keep complaining about it. I take my promise to post here every week seriously. But I feel numb inside. If I think about adoption right now, I'm afraid I'll just collapse. I hope I can do something more before long, but every time I start to think about adoption, I just think about him. And I feel anxious. I know I'll either have to write another letter or call him. But right now, I don't think I can do either.
This is lame. And I feel so lost. It's not worth blogging about. If he isn't my father (though that seems unlikely), he should have the decency to tell me. And if he is, and wants nothing to do with me, he should at least have the decency to tell me that. For now, I just sit here, paralyzed by anxiety.