Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Anger Management

I find myself getting angrier about adoption-related issues.

I never considered myself anti-adoption. I always grudgingly accepted adoption as a necessity. I thought it was a complex proposition, and I did not like that society failed, repeatedly, to acknowledge the complexity. But I accepted that it was sometimes necessary.

Now, I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm not entirely certain I even accept that it's necessary anymore. Maybe it is. I don't want to become too extreme without more thought. But it's becoming harder and harder for me to accept that necessity.

Maybe it's the constant feeling of beating my head into brick walls. After all, if I cannot get people to acknowledge the issues inherent in adoption, perhaps it would just be better if there weren't any adoptions. I'm not sure that's really a solution. But I think I'm being pulled that way.

Reading through Lifton's Journey of the Adopted Self, I ran across this passage:

Adoptees may never completely heal, but after search and reunion at least they have a potential for growth. There is the chance to move from the traumatized self to the revitalized and transformed self.

That really struck me. It helps to know that not completely healing may be normal. That's what it feels like for me. I am not healed. I can't imagine being healed.

But beyond that, there was something worrisome... I don't know how to move from the traumatized self. I feel stuck. I've gotten in touch with the traumatized portion of myself, but I want to move past that. So far, I haven't found the path further on.

But maybe that just takes more time. Right now... everything takes time. Maybe that's just one more thing.


elizabeth said...

Hey Phil I'd be happy to have you join me in my anti-adoption camp.

carol said...

Hi Phil, I definitely relate to what you wrote here. I have been in reunion with my son for almost 2 years and the whole concept of infant adoption just makes me sick. I feel my anger with the industry and those who think adoption is wonderful just increases with each passing day.

I also never considered myself anti-adoption until recently when my son found me. I've never considered myself an angry person, but for the past couple of years I've not been able to shake the anger I feel.

I think so many infant adoptions are truly pointless and the price for so many people is too high.