Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Birthday Surprise

I'm not terribly fond of my birthday. I know this is not an uncommon trait among adoptees. It is hard to celebrate the day you were born when you don't know anyone who was there for the birth. I don't like to think about that day. It's just a painful reminder of the day my life changed forever.

Last year was a little different. I had been in reunion for six months or so. My (first) mom called me and sent me gifts. It was a good day.

This year is going to be a lot different.

It started simply enough... Months ago, my mom asked me for my wife's e-mail. More recently, my wife told me that I should keep my birthday weekend free from any plans. This is unlike her. A plan for the whole weekend? Would we be going somewhere? But I didn't push her on it. Then I idly asked her what my mom had e-mailed her about, and she said she couldn't answer. That's when I started to put it together. My mom was coming up for the weekend and would be here for my birthday.

For the first time in my life, I will celebrate my birthday with my mother.

This is almost a scary kind of experience. My birthday has been such a source of pain and confusion for so long. It's hard to know how it will be with my mom. I'm glad she's coming. Very excited, even. But it's scary, too.

Being scared of being with my mom on my birthday... It just confirms for me that adoption screws us up forever.


Lynn said...

I'm so happy for you! Just relax and have fun!

But I'll tell you a secret. Two years ago was the first time I was able to spend with my son on his birthday and I was VERY nervous. I thought I would lose control and cry all over him or something. I really didn't know how I would react, but we got through it, and it was really a beautiful, special time together.

I pray that yours will be as well.

Anonymous said...

That's wonderful!

My son and I spent his birthday together for the first time last year. It was really very special. I'm hoping he might agree to set some time aside for me on his birthday this year. I'm kind of scared to ask, but it is THE most special day of the year to me.

Have a lovely birthday!

jimm said...

I hope this becomes a yearly thing for you.

Relax, it will be great!