I'm not terribly fond of my birthday. I know this is not an uncommon trait among adoptees. It is hard to celebrate the day you were born when you don't know anyone who was there for the birth. I don't like to think about that day. It's just a painful reminder of the day my life changed forever.
Last year was a little different. I had been in reunion for six months or so. My (first) mom called me and sent me gifts. It was a good day.
This year is going to be a lot different.
It started simply enough... Months ago, my mom asked me for my wife's e-mail. More recently, my wife told me that I should keep my birthday weekend free from any plans. This is unlike her. A plan for the whole weekend? Would we be going somewhere? But I didn't push her on it. Then I idly asked her what my mom had e-mailed her about, and she said she couldn't answer. That's when I started to put it together. My mom was coming up for the weekend and would be here for my birthday.
For the first time in my life, I will celebrate my birthday with my mother.
This is almost a scary kind of experience. My birthday has been such a source of pain and confusion for so long. It's hard to know how it will be with my mom. I'm glad she's coming. Very excited, even. But it's scary, too.
Being scared of being with my mom on my birthday... It just confirms for me that adoption screws us up forever.