Today I called my (adoptive) mom. It wasn't a long call. And it wasn't a deep conversation. It was just a brief call to wish her a happy new year. We talked for maybe five minutes. I didn't want to get into all the things that have passed (or not passed) between us.
But I want to start the year off on a better foot. I want to be more forgiving and compassionate, both towards others and towards myself. I wanted to open the door to rebuilding some kind of relationship with her. I don't know how to move forward, exactly. But I didn't want to let it go so long that I was paralyzed and incapable of moving forward.
I don't forgive often or easily. I don't usually get upset with people easily. But once I am upset, it isn't easy for me to forgive or forget. And I have written many people off. I had no desire to do that with my mom. So I needed to do something at some point. I had thought I would wait until we got home from our trip, but then I thought the first day of a new year was a good time to make a fresh start.
I can't say I'm not still upset. But I feel less upset than I did last week. So that's something. And now that they holidays are just about over, the hurt has faded some.
Happy New Year to all of you. I hope this one is better than the last.