Saturday, January 10, 2009

Not Just a River in Egypt

One of the things that amazes is the unwillingness of adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents to hear anything negative about adoption.

I'm not saying there are no adoptive parents who are sensitive to the problems and issues surrounding adoption, but so many people that I see comment online in various places simply dismiss the voices of adoptees (at least adoptees who express some ambivalence about adoption) as simply screwed up by their bad experiences.

I think I can understand the reaction. Presumably, these are people that have bought into the line that adoption is a good thing. Suddenly, they are confused. It must have been something the parents did. The adoptive parents screwed up.

It has to be the parents because the other possibilities are more worrisome. For if it's not the parents, it is either something wrong with the adoptees or adoption itself. If it's the adoptees, then how can they know whether their children will have similar "defects" that lead them to express ambivalence? And if it's adoption itself, then all they believed about this "wonderful" experience may not be true.

While I don't like adoption, I'm not trying to make adoptive parents feel badly for adopting. Not really. But I want them to have a better understanding of what they're getting themselves into. I want them to better to understand what their children may be going through. I do this because I want those kids to have a better chance at working through some of these issues when they're younger.

The lack of curiosity (or perhaps just fear?) of some adoptive parents about the issues surrounding adoption is frustrating.

I just keep hoping that some day, society will get over it's rose-colored-glasses approach to adoption. Until then, I expect this will be an ongoing struggle.

1 comment:

maybe said...

The struggle to enlighten others about the potential pitfalls of adoption has only just begun.