Friday, January 22, 2010


I'm still sort of in the closet. On Facebook, at least. Some of my relatives (both adoptive and first) are connected to me on Facebook, so I keep my anti-adoption stuff to a dull roar. (The sort of roar you might expect to hear from a very, very quiet church mouse.) I don't want to alienate my family. Any of them. And I don't know how they'd react to it.

So when I saw someone on my friend's list become a fan of "Adoption not Abortion" (I kid you not), I unfriended her. I wanted to just start railing. I hate, HATE the thoughtless promotion of adoption as an alternative to abortion.

But I couldn't bring myself to go on a tear. So I simply unfriended her and walked away from the whole thing. Probably not the most mature thing to do. Probably not helpful, either, as I didn't really spread any information, nor is she even likely to notice that I'm gone from her friends list. But for my own sanity, I had to get rid of that post, and the person who put it up there.

I wish I knew how to be more open about my feelings about adoption. I wish I knew how to civilly express my distaste for the practice in order to better educate people. But I don't. I hate it. And yes, it sometimes makes me feel like a phony. But I don't want to risk my familial relationships. I hope that doesn't make me too bad a person.


Lynn said...

I completely understand your dilemma. My son "friended" me not too long ago on fb. I asked him upfront if he will be upset with me if he sees things about adoption that he might not like, he assured me that he wouldn't be upset.

But I also find myself stifling my "voice". Still. And not just becuase of him, but because of other facebook friends.

And at other times when I do post something that speaks truth about adoption, I am met with dead silence. From both sides of the aisle. From those who understand where I'm coming from, because they are afraid to support me lest their son or daughter, or another family member would see it. And silence from those who have no clue about where I'm coming from on the issue of adoption, because they think I'm some kind of a nut, and they don't want to change their minds about adoption. (Because it gives them that warm fuzzy feeling, you know, to think about adoption)

I really HATE it that my voice that I thought I had found, is still not strong enough to be heard. But I keep trying, you never know who might decide to listen and start researching for themselves ...

Don't be so hard on yourself, it takes time, and these relationships are SO fragile, I only pray that my son meant what he said ...

Lori A said...

I see it as opening a door "for" a conversation about how you feel. If she ever does notice that you unfriended her and she asks, then is your opportunity to speak your mind.