I feel stronger. I don't feel 100%. I don't know if I've ever felt 100%. But I feel stronger.
I realized I haven't spoken with my adoptive parents since I've returned from my visit with them a month ago. (I called to let them know we got home safely.) I feel badly about that. I'm not trying to avoid them. I would be happy if they called me. I hope they're not angry with me, and that's why they haven't called.
But I think some down time, from them, from here, from many things adoption, has helped me some. I've played way too many video games and left important work until the last possible minute. But I feel a bit more myself again.
I had a visit with my first mom a couple of weeks ago, and that was very good. I was worried that it wouldn't be, that I would be a stick-in-the-mud, that I would be depressing, she wouldn't enjoy the visit, and she wouldn't come back. That was, perhaps, overly dramatic. But it was how I had been feeling this past month. Naturally, none of it came to pass.
Now the school year is starting again. I'm back to conversing with friends on-line and causing a ruckus over on Yahoo! Answers. It's not much of a hobby, I know, but it's something other than video games.
And I'm trying to get back to this blog. I feel badly that I have let it go this long. I just didn't have the strength to write. Now that I'm feeling stronger, I want to renew my commitment to at least a post a week again.
I hope someone is still reading. And I still hold out hope for Shelly's return. But I will be here, even if I'm the only one. Because no one else can speak for me. And if I don't do it, it won't get said.
Peace. Love. Understanding. To you all.