Thursday, December 25, 2008

Mostly a Good Day

I had a good Christmas. I talked to my (first) mom right away this morning. Then I spent the rest of the morning with my (adoptive) father and siblings. Good breakfast, and fun watching the kids (my niece and nephews) opening gifts. For a little bit, the family was together. And it was nice.

Then my wife and I, as well as my dad, went over to his parents house and visited with them a bit. (We had had Christmas with that part of the extended family the night before, so not too many people were over.) Then we went over to my brother's house and spent the afternoon and evening there. My sister came over, too. (My other brother did not.)

It was a lot of fun, really. But when we passed out gifts to the kids (these from my adoptive mom), there was a gift for my wife and I from my mom. I tried to ignore it. It was just an envelope, so I set it aside.

Then, while we were playing cards, she called. My brother talked to her for a bit, and then he tried to hand me the phone, but I shook my head "no." She talked to my sister, and then they hung up.

For me, it cast a bit of a pall over the rest of the evening. I didn't talk about it, and just got back to playing cards. Neither my brother nor my sister said anything to me. I was grateful for that. But I still found myself upset with her.

I am angry, and I don't know how to stop being angry with her. I don't think I want to cut her out of my life. That doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make me feel better thinking about it. But I also don't know how to stop being angry with her. I expected the hurt to fade. But her not being here, her choosing to be elsewhere today, continues to bother me whenever I think about her.

The trip has generally been positive. I haven't been thinking about her much during this week. But today, there were just enough reminders that it was hard to ignore it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Phil,

I'm glad things worked out "ok". I was going to respond to one of your earlier posts but, as usual just didn't know quite what to say. This holiday was difficult for me, too.