Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Why Do I Do This?

Why did I tell myself that it would be a good idea to update two blogs every day for a month? More importantly, why did I think I should update my adoption blog every day for a month?

I do much more "navel-gazing" here that on my other blog. So why do that for a month?

One reason that I wanted to do this to myself is that I hadn't been processing any of this stuff over the last couple of months. My lack of posting here wasn't just that I was terribly busy. I was avoiding thinking about these issues much. Committing to a post a day forces me to think about adoption, and my issues with it. That doesn't mean that I want to only post about my own inner turmoil for a month. But writing here makes me think about it. And it makes me process. And in the end, that's good for my mental health. (At least, I hope so.)

I also recognize that short little essays on adoption don't do the topic justice. They provide hints of the deeper stuff going on below the surface. But adoption is complicated enough that it requires some discussion to start to unpack all the issues. I keep hoping I can find some way of getting at the underlying issues here. Not that I think there aren't good discussions of it out there (though far too few), but the more I think about it, the more complexities I see.

I don't know. Maybe it's not worth the effort. But I figure that if I'm getting some benefit from this, then it's a good thing. I hope it's helpful for others. And I'm always happy when I succeed in helping someone else understand. I guess my writing is usually for me, first and foremost. It's how I get understanding. When I start writing, I find out things about myself. It gives me clarity. And sometimes, peace of mind.

Adoption has been so much a part of me. For my entire life. It's not the whole of who I am. But understanding adoption is important for me in understanding myself. Hence this blog. And now, this month. I hope it's not a waste for anyone. But so far, I think it's been good for me.


maybe said...

Definitely not a waste!

Anonymous said...

Hey Phil,

I love that you've been posting a bunch at this blog. I always take away something from your posts. Sadly, I haven't been giving much back in the way of comments.

I go through spurts of writing (not blogging) about my own adoption angst and backing off for weeks at a time when it feels hopeless, but I do gain more insight and, I think, self-confidence when I do the deeper exploration.

I find your writing to be introspective, exploratory rather than inflammatory in nature - I don't know but I always enjoy reading what you have to say.

My son was here visiting for a few days so I'm in a good frame of mind and feel like I want to give support even if its just commenting on your blog to show support. I do think about how much knowledge and understanding I take away from my favorite blogs and forums and where my relationship with my son would be without the insight I get from folks like you who take the time to work through some of the issues publicly.

Thanks Phil!!!

phil said...

Heh. Thanks all. I just sometimes get self-conscious when I start navel-gazing in public like this.