Sunday, November 22, 2009

Fixing the Past

So often, in discussions abut adoption, I hear people talk about adoptees "getting over it" or "wanting to undo what has already happened" or some other such nonsense.

The mistake is thinking that, because we share our stories, what we want is sympathy for our traumas. The fact is, I don't want sympathy. I don't want to fix anything that has happened, and I'm perfectly capable of "getting over" any of my traumas without sharing them with perfect strangers online.

I believe I'm not alone in saying that I don't share my story with others in order to get sympathy. As people who know me personally could attest, I have a tendency not to share my feelings in general. Certainly not to get sympathy. Why I share my story is so that others my learn from my example.

I speak out against adoption so that I might prevent other children from going through its traumas. And I share my story so that other adoptees might know that they are not alone in feeling ambivalent about their own adoption.

I appreciate those people who have supported me in my own journey, both in person and online. And I'm glad for their friendship and companionship as we all struggle with this crazy little thing called life.

But my attempts at speaking out are aimed at helping those who have not found such support, and maybe - in my idealist fantasy - to help prevent someone else from knowing what I know.

Adoptees are not whiners. We are advocates for potential future adoptees. We don't want them to go through what we have.

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