I'm not sure why, but sometimes I feel like a fake. I can't quite explain it.
I know adoptees who were abused. Adoptees whose biological parents were lied to. Adoptees who were lied to for decades about being adopted. Adoptees who have been denied by their biological family. Adoptees who have found graves or never found anything.
What do I have to complain about? What pain have I experienced?
I feel like I don't have the right to talk about adoption. I feel like I had it good, and I ought to be happy with what I've got.
Maybe that seems silly. Or maybe it's the gratefulness shtick. Or maybe something like Catholic guilt. I don't know.
I just don't feel right being upset about adoption.
And yet, I am upset about it. And I don't know how to stop being upset about it, so I just keep hoping no one finds out that I have no right to complain.